Breaking up is never going to be easy. One person is definitely going to be shattered and grieved. There are going to be several arguments, curse words and fights. It is like, yesterday you had somebody in your life and now that person is no longer there. So much more like a person passing away!! However, to comfort yourself, you must understand that everything that is happening in and around is normal. The changes that happen in your mind, body and soul are all normal. Often people take help of chocolates, ice creams etc to fight the depression after the break-up. Many people even get disgusted at the sight of the food and avoid the food completely. It is even normal to want to hit your ex hard. These are some of the normal things that you might feel or undergo during a break-up.
The Different Stages of Break-Up
However, what is not normal is staying in a confused, lonely and sad state. As many people say break-up has several stages and below we have outlined some of the stages of break-up. Don’t get too hard on yourself and remember this too shall pass. Read below to find out the 7 stages of break-up.
Shock
It is believed that shock is the natural process of the body that indeed works as body’s natural protection in order to fight the pain that you’re undergoing. When a relationship ends, it gets hard for most people to deal with the break-up and things that will follow post that. You might always feel scared and solitary. This might be followed by a state of disbelief. You might not be able to believe that the relationship where you have invested so much is over and there is nothing left to cling on to. This state of absolute disbelief might last for a few days, weeks, months or even longer, depending upon how emotionally attached you were to your partner. You might even undergo a sudden loss of sleep and diet.
What to do to fight shock?
- Give yourself a calming therapy. Go for long walks and spend time with family and friends.
What not to do?
- Don’t freak out. Things will settle soon.
Denial
Denial is when you refuse to accept that your relationship is over and continue to restore the feelings you had for your partner. The thinking behind this is if you don’t accept that a relationship is over you can still go on with the relationship with a false hope of reuniting with your ex-mate. In most cases, people tend to repeatedly call, text, e-mail or even stalk their partner on social media believing it is normal to still know the whereabouts of your partner. People do this in order to put the heartbreak on hold.
What to do when in denial state?
Take help of a friend and try talking to them about your fears and discomfort. You can even write about it on a blog to speak about the pent up pain and misery.
What not to do?
Don’t try to minimize the situation. You must not think that it is not necessary to find ways to deal with a break-up.
Isolation
Once you break-up with a long, steady partner you tend to believe that everything around you is over and you end up feeling isolated. You believe life around you has ceased to exist and there is absolutely nobody to open up to. Spending time alone is okay but isolating yourself from everyone is what will emotionally break you. There is a fair chance when you sit all alone you might rewind and replay several memories and good times that you have spent with your partner. These memories might even bring you happiness. However, this happiness will be momentary. You need to realize that to live with this momentary happiness you’re getting yourself away from the reality. This might even get your thoughts unorganized and scattered.
What to do?
- Get yourself a spa, a facial and all the relaxation therapies to look and feel good. If you feel good, you’ll be happy inside and feel confident to go out and socialize.
What not to do?
- Do not think that nobody will ever love you again or you will never be able to love anybody in the same way. This will only lead to self-pity and dishearten you even more.
Anger
Anger is the resultant of pain. You experience a transformation from sad to raging mad. You might blame your partner for everything. You might end up burning his pictures, abuse him, want to hit him in public and ridicule and insult him. There might be cases where you find yourself indulging in self-talk. You might even scold and ridicule yourself for being with your ex. Passing on the blame here might seem as a sensible choice for you. Conclusively you might end up shouting on every little thing.
What to do?
- Try writing about it or feel the anger and talk about it. You might involve a trusted person to talk about it to heal sooner.
What not to do?
- Avoid messing things up with your anger. Don’t put yourself in awkward situations because of this.
Bargaining
Now, this is a stage where you find out ways to get your ex back. You indulge into prayers, beg him to come back, and many times you even belittle yourself while trying to get him back. People even think and analyze what caused the break-up and try to brush that reason off in order to get back on their ex. If there is a particular habit of yours that your partner despised and you try and eliminate that habit then there is a fair chance you might be able to get him back. However, never try to compromise on your own self-respect to make a relationship work out.
What to do?
- Create a to-do list or a list of your hobbies and things that you always wanted to do in order to distract yourself from thoughts of him.
What not to do?
- Never try changing yourself just for the sake of your ex. If it is a positive change then yes otherwise it is a strict no to even think about changing yourself.
Depression
This is a common phase after every painful activity. Never make yourself believe that you won’t be able to live without him. Life never stops for anyone. You had a life going perfectly okay before him, it will be okay (it is bound to be okay) even after him. Do not get the negativity in you. You might not want to get out of bed, you might keep your room dark, you might not want to go out, etc. These are all common signs of depression. Fight these signs. Get over them.
What to do?
- Go out, meet new people, make new friends and enjoy your life.
What not to do?
- Never opt for rebounds. Meeting new people doesn’t mean you have to indulge in new relationships. Give yourself time to move on from your past only then think of a new relationship or a new boyfriend. If you rush into a new relationship before moving on from the past, chances are even the new relationship might not work out and you might feel completely broken and shattered.
Acceptance
Accept that the relationship is over. Agreed that the relationship with your partner was your daily dose of happiness however now you need to accept and reflect on the fact that it is over. The sooner you accept that it is never going to be same, the better it will be for you to move on. Until you accept that it is done and dusted you will never be able to move on in your life. So, accept this bitter truth with a pinch of salt and begin recreating your life bereft him.
What to do?
- Celebrate little things in life and indulge in positive things. Get yourself enrolled in some hobby or a course. Find happiness for yourself outside the relationships.
What not to do?
- Brush off all the negative things in life. Once, in a while, you might feel the need to talk to him or cry your heart out. If talking to your ex might make you weak, avoid it completely. Rather call your friend and speak your heart out. Crying is a natural process and will make you feel lighter. So don’t shy away from shedding a tear or two.
Final Words
Every relationship has some happy and sad memories annexed to it. However, when a relationship gets over one person might feel completely broken and saddened. This is normal and so are the stages of break-up that you might feel and undergo after a relationship ceases to exist. Thus, read the stages and make things simplified in order to deal with a relationship that is over.
Note: This content has been written in the context of a girl who is suffering from different phases of the break-up. The same thing applies to the boys too.
